Birthday Roast
by Marie S Zachary
Summary: See each character be roasted on their birthday
1. Robort's Roast

Disclamier: I don't own ELR or any of the affliating characters**

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Ray

Robert is my brother and I love him but let me say he is a bit of a sap. I mean come on. He falls for every line in the book. Once he caught a guy steeling a TV and the guy said, "oh well I was hungry"… what are you going to eat the TV?

((Laughter))

My brother—GOD bless him assumed the guy was going to sell the TV. He says, "Tell you what… I'll give you $700 for the TV and $22,000 for putting it back. It was his whole Christmas Bonus and gifts. Hm… steel a TV get paid $29,000… what a great lesson we're learning here.

((Laughter))

Amy

I love him to but honestly one thing that really gets to me is he takes **forever **to say something. This is him **trying **to say what he's tried to say every day for years. "Um… um… you uh… uh… uh… um… um… uh… have… um… um…-". Normally that's when I interrupt and say, "FOR GOD SAKES I COULD SAY THAT FASTER THEN YOU IN MY SLEEP BACKWARDS WITH ONE HAND TIED BEHIND MY BACK"

((Laughter))

I really don't know what that has anything to do with it anyway. Why would I need… aw never mind? One time it took him an hour to get to **the **third word of **the **first sentence. I looked at him and said, "You know Robert by the time that it's your birthday maybe you can get to the end of the sentence and his birthday wasn't for another 300 days.

((Laughter))

Marie

I love my baby. He's my firstborn son and he's a great kid. But he is a terrible liar. Whenever he lies he gets these crinkles around his eyes so bad you would think he were a side dish of French fries.

((Laughter))

His lies wouldn't be so bad but he always rats himself out too. One time he was babysitting his brother and Ray wasn't supposed to go out that night but he had let him go out with his friends. I called later and asked to talk to Ray and he says, "oh he can't go out he's at the batives" That's a combination of bathroom and movies.

((Laughter))

Frank

I know I teased my boys a lot growing up but honestly today I would rather take the opportunity to say this. I love you guys. You guys make me so proud every day to be a parent. Even if you are 6'5 and can't catch a couple of rebounds!

((Laughter))

Happy birthday Robert. I love you. Raymond, I love you too. You guys are a couple of great kids. See you tomorrow when we drive you crazy again.

((Laughter))


	2. Raymond's Roast

**Robert**

Well today is my brother's birthday. Happy birthday Raymond. Ray is everything I want to be if I wanted to be a tightheaded nutjob that doesn't know how to have fun. You know what Raymond's idea of fun is. Taking a nap. I like to sleep too but I don't list it as a hobby.

((Laughter))

Sure I'm a little sensitive when it comes to other people but my brother is what they would call hardened by everything. He always believes other people are lying when it's not true. He's also cynical but he's my brother and I love him. Just do me a favor Ray. Whenever you feel like being negative REMAIN SILLENT

((Laughter))

**Amy**

First of all I'm sorry for Robert's roast. He can't tell a joke to save his life. Ray on the other hand can't **STOP **telling jokes to save his. Let me tell you one of my favorite jokes Ray told. So there's this news reporter and she's asked who the most confident person she ever met was. She said, 'that would have to be Moshie. I was invited to his 178th birthday party and I asked him if he had anything to say before the end of the party. He said 'see you next year'.

((Laughter))

I just found out that I'm pregnant. I hope this baby is just like Raymond... minus the sometimes insensitivity and the control freak aspect to it. I also don't want the baby to be short like Ray or have his bushy eyebrows. ((Laughter))

But in all seriousness if the baby is like Raymond he or she will be awesome. Happy birthday Raymond. We love you...

Marie

Ray is a bit of a non-card. By that I mean he can't pick out a good card in the store to save his life. I mean seriously. The boy is a writer. His stories are so good I think it would make anyone cry but his card writing is a bit of... well a card

((Laughter))

Frank passed away three days after Robby's birthday. I pretended it didn't bother me but the fact is that I loved him as much as we fought. Ray was amazing there. I could just see him at the funeral saying "no don't sit there. You're too short to sit there. Sit up front. No I said fat meat. My dad was a meat and potato kind of guy. Happy birthday Ray. I love you"

((Laughter))

Debra

Everyone says Ray is a control freak. He's not. He just likes everything to go his way. It makes him uncomfortable if it doesn't and so because I love him I go along with it. Well I cannot do that anymore. In about 6 months I'll be way too big to do that.

((Laughter))

Ray and I decided to hold off on announcing it because of Amy's pregnancy but 3 new children will be joining the Baron family. Ray is so excited. He says we should name the girls Freeda and Jeeda and the boy Ray Jr. I say no no and no. Happy birthday Ray. I love you

((Laughter))


End file.
